How to Tell If Someone Is “Unequally Yoked”
It is hard to discuss being equally yoked without sounding judgmental. Yet, if we are seeking a life partner, it’s important that we act wisely and look for a person whose life reflects what is in their heart. Scripture encourages us to be discerning, pure, and blameless while at the same time loving (Philippians 1:9-11). Before pursuing a romantic relationship with someone, it is wise to know the answers to some of these questions.
1. What type of language does the person use?
2. How does the person treat others in authority?
3. How does the person describe themselves?
4. What type of music does the person listen to?
5. How comfortable does the person feel talking about their faith?
6. How does the person handle stress?
7. Does the person serve within their church or community?
8. What type of relationship does the person have with their family?
9. Who are some of the person’s closest friends?
10. What extracurricular activities does the person enjoy?
Had I asked myself these questions before I dated several of the people I did, I might have realized going out with them was a waste of time. These questions serve to balance our emotions with a biblical standard. If someone uses foul or derogatory language constantly, perhaps that says something about the state of their heart (Proverbs 10:11, Luke 6:45). Similarly, if someone’s closest companions are of bad influence, you might not want to begin a close relationship with that person (1 Corinthians 15:33). It is better to take some time to find out basic information about a person before you have invested emotionally into a them. It saves time and heartache.
A Word of Caution
Before you decide to “kiss dating goodbye” and only date men of a certain standard, I want to caution you to continue to build friendships with everyone. My mistake came by jumping into an exclusive relationship too early with people of different values and beliefs. Many blessings come from friendships with unbelievers. However, clear emotional and physical boundaries need to be formed to guard you from being tempted from crossing over from friendship to dating unintentionally. Whatever you decide to do, my prayer is that you trust the Lord with your future, knowing that He already knows your course. Trust in His timing and in His goodness.
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